you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
