I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
