Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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