Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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