i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
