So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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