Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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