Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
