problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
