I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
