My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
