I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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