I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
