This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
