the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
