i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
