my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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