I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
