Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
