i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
