So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
and you fell through a lawn chair
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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