So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
