I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
