He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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