i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
