If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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