I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
