Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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