I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My cat gives me a boner
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
