New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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