Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
