So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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