my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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