I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
