I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
