I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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