Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
