And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Randomize
