I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize