and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
