There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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