You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
