i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
