I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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