I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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