My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
