i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
