Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
