Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize