That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Randomize
