Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My room smells like vodka and shame
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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