it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
