Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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