i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
