tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Will exercising make me less horny?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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