yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
