"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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