well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize