I got chris browned last night
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
