I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
