Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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