whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
