Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
