she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
