Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
