Well douche your snatch and let's go!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
