I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
