So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
